Which means….nothing is good enough.
My coworkers caution me against walking too much. And like an arrogant American I tell them it’s not that bad! Then I regret my sweltering walks. Today was one of those days. I had time – why not?
Because nothing says foolish American quite like showing up to work with sweat stains, sticky hair and no makeup.
My computer adapter zapped itself. Despite the warranty and that my coworkers commandeered the handyman to be my gofer, this is causing a lot of frustration. I want to be able to use my computer! I don’t understand why it takes so long. Can’t I go get it myself? Where is it, anyway? The questions get lost in translation…
My boss left for a meeting at 10 today. I thought she was going to be gone all day, but she walked back in at 2 pm. While I was relieved to see her and have questions answered, it was confusing and annoying. So many little details of office life are spoken in Thai, and not heard by me. Today didn’t change much. But last week she went to Korea, and I didn’t know.
My office is tripping over Architectural interns. Because they are younger, they speak even less English. That doesn’t stop them from staring, though. Today was the first day at work where I felt completely out of place for the color of my skin. I spew my frustrations with awkwardness often, but typically those situations come from asking funny questions, mis-speaking or just getting to know one another. Today, walking and being stared at…I guess I assume more than know. They did not see me, they saw a white American who couldn’t converse. Rather than try, they stared in hopes of my presence making sense. Everytime we passed one another, they stared.
I fell asleep reading in bed last night, fully dressed and unwashed. At 5:30 I woke up and turned off the lights, wondering why I was so tired and if I had gotten sick while living life. Too busy to notice. Today is a holiday, and I have no plans other than reading, resting, and drinking tea. This – is luxury. I got up to shower and eat leftover pancakes. Later my Thai sister and I shared breakfast – Black fish in lettuce with mint leaves and pork kebabs with satte sauce.
Yesterday is over and today has hope and a bit of peace.