The horror of leaving

I can’t describe my emotions, the experience, the sensation of leaving all of this. This life that I wandered into, purely through a series of friendships and connections.

I am grateful beyond words that I have had the honor of living in Bangkok for 9 months.

I am heartbroken in a way I would never have imagined.

I am completely certain that I must leave.

My Facebook status conveys this awful experience as well as my late-night rambles:

Someone once told me, “When you look around you and realize there is nowhere else on earth you’d rather be than where you are at this exact moment in time, you know you are in the right place.” With my Newsong Bangkok family tonight, squawking toddlers, cramped quarters, tripping over one another, worship in three languages, countless cultures, bathed in gratitude for the excitement that is Easter and He is Risen, sharing laughter, witnessing intimate moments and crying tears of absolute joy in the midst of it -I knew she was right. Does it really get better than this?

I don’t want to leave. I don’t want this to stop. But I am clinging to my belief that this love, this security of being in the right place refers to these MOMENTS. Not eternity. To stay would be clinging.

So I am stepping out. The same Arms, the same Spirit that caught me and created a Community for me in Bangkok will catch me where next I land and settle.

Please, be gentle. Leaving is horrible.

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